Ben Ibrahim: Sports can be a metaphor

Monday July 19, 2010

The birth of new football jokes

A DIFFERENT SPIN By BEN IBRAHIM
benb.ibrahim@gmail.com

Sports can be a metaphor, as comedians and managers find inspiration from the recent 2010 World Cup.

EVERY four years, the world comes to a standstill to watch the greatest sporting show on earth. People want to be mesmerised by a Pele dribbling past six players to score a goal, watch a player like David Beckham score from the halfway line, or just witness some football controversy.

In this year’s World Cup in South Africa, we have our fair share of controversy – for example, referees sending off wrong players, goals wrongly disallowed by match officials, and the French team sulking like babies, just to name a few.

But for me, the World Cup was also a content hunting ground for comedians. You might say there was nothing much to laugh about, but experience has taught me that sports is also a metaphor, and research has shown that some workplace managers love to use sporting examples to motivate their team.

However, after this World Cup I am sure today’s workplace supervisor will use some of the incidents that transpired at the tournament as an ice-breaker to make people laugh. I am no comedian, but I love a good sports metaphor. So the following is my attempt at football comedy:

> Willie Walsh, current CEO of British Airways, just concluded an industrial relations (IR) court case where the judge ruled in favour of the union. Rumour had it that Walsh was taking his IR advice from France football captain Patrice Evra. Monsieur Evra’s tactics were “if the situation does not favour you, then just walk out”.

> Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou was trying to gain International Monetary Fund assistance to aid the Greek economy in cutting the country’s soaring public debt. German Chancellor Angela Merkel was not very keen “as she did not want Germany to foot the bill.” Papandreou should have approached Merkel during the World Cup quarter-final between Germany and Argentina where she was dancing from seat to seat. Based on her newfound moment of happiness, she might have loaned him some money.

> Nepotism was extremely evident in South Africa. Argentinean coach Diego Maradona was criticised for the selection of certain players. In his defence he kept saying, “I selected the best players.” One of those players was his son in-law Sergio Agüero. The Dutch are not innocent either. Netherlands coach Bert Van Marwijk also selected his son-in-law Mark Van Bommel. Both coaches are trying to prove that football is also a family affair.

> If you can’t beat them, then just kick them. That was the thinking of Brazilian midfielder Felipe Melo when he stamped on Dutch star Arjen Robben. I don’t think Felipe quite realised that if you stamp on an opposing player intentionally, it warrants a red card.

> Toyota has not received the best publicity of late. I am sure its nemesis Honda will be taking full advantage of the situation to use Japanese super star Keisuke Honda as brand ambassador. The Honda copywriters would use catchy tag lines like: “At Honda, we do quality checks on our brakes, and we are a company of high achievers. We don’t give an above bar performance, we just love to score goals and achieve.” I am sure Keisuke Honda’s team mate Yuichi Komano would not appreciate the words “above bar performance” as his penalty shot that hit the top of the goal post was the reason Japan was knocked out of the tournament.

> Even though the Germans did not win the World Cup, they played great football and beat three world class teams by a four-goal margin. I am sure German coach Joachim “Jog” Löw will be sending the German immigration department a Christmas card this year thanking them for approving Lukas Podolski’s and Miroslav Klose’s citizenship, as they were both born in Poland.

> Australian Harry Kewell, giving referee advice, to play by the rules: Many experts would argue that the penalty given from the Harry Kewell handball in the Australia vs Ghana match was not a handball. The ball hit his shoulder, not his hand. An angry Kewell said, “Unless I actually detach my arm and put it somewhere else, there is no other way I can move my arm.” Harry played by the rules but the referee did not see that.

> Hand of God Award: Step aside Diego Maradona of 1986. This accolade goes to promising rising star Luiz Suarez from Uruguay who was sent off in the semi-final against Netherlands where he used both his hands to block the ball from going inside the net. Ironically, Suarez has been touted as a potential world class star based on his football, not handball, ability.

> In the same semi-final match, Uruguay forward Edison Cavani demonstrates how to get an opposing player sent off in a polite manner. His tactic was to smile at the referee while waving his fingers in front of his eyes. A player does this to convince the referee to send off an opposing player who committed the foul. But most players do it with haste and anger, but Cavani shows you can still do it in a gentlemanly manner. Who said football is a gentlemen’s sport played by brutes?

Well, I may have just proven that I’m no comedian, but I did see the funny side, and the irony, in several of the events in the World Cup. Like politicians, referees and footballers don’t always make the best decisions, but then again the things that always look the simplest, are often the most difficult. To all fellow Malaysian football fanatics, now that the World Cup is over, let us spare some time to rest and catch up with family and friends. It’s only 25 more days to the start of English Premier League season!

> Ben Ibrahim is a TV host, MC and writer. He recently hosted the Miss Universe Malaysia 2010 show, and is currently working on a few business programmes. For more information about Ben, log on to www.benibrahim.com or e-mail: benb.ibrahim@gmail.com

source: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/7/19/focus/6691609&sec=focus